Resistance is futile, rescheduling pointless.

Flakey Sue

Flakey Sue

I am such a resistant girl. I’ve always been hella independent and never liked being told what to do. But the resistance runs much deeper than that and it, coupled with wicked guilty streak, just left me in a toxic cocktail of feeling really bad. It’s caused me a lot of mental anguish over the years and it’s something I have had to address during the cosmic colonic.

Yesterday, I had an appointment to go have coffee with couple from church at their new assisted living home. I initiated the meeting. The elderly lady took a shine to me at church and I love being her “young” friend. I knew the people at the assisted living home would love Baby Applebum, it was something I really wanted to do. But then the day approaches and that’s when my nonsense starts…

80% of life is just ….

My problem is showing up. It’s always been a problem for me. When I quoted Woody Allen, it’s because that is something I struggle with on the daily. When I transferred out of my high school, the headmaster gave me a hug and said jovially, “This student has skipped more classes than any student before.”

The sad part? I got WORSE about skipping in college. Seriously, I had classes that I only showed up for a handful of times. One class was so bad, that the prof asked to speak with me after class and I WASN’T THERE to hear it. It was out of control and it was making me miserable.

Slacky McSlackerson and friend

Slacky McSlackerson and friend

This worst part? I felt like I was getting away with something, like I was pulling something off by outsmarting a system. But really what did I accomplish? How much learning did I miss? I thought I was clever, but really, I wasted a lot of money and learning.

Good intentions, terrible execution

That’s one example of a life-time of good intentions and terrible execution. Even things I want to do, like a party or a night out with a friend, feel like a chore by the time it arrives. Why? I don’t know. I’m working on it. I can tell you that as I have cleared out the stuff I don’t need, it’s getting easier to show up for the stuff that matters.

I haven’t no-showed in awhile. If I can’t make it for a LEGIT reason, I call and let them know. It’s respect for them and it makes me feel better to handle it properly, rather than just hiding from it.

This represents HUGE progress for me. I used to be Flakey Sue. Always planning to make it, but always having something come up at the last minute. Being embarrassed, I wouldn’t have the courage to call, which made me feel twice as bad. Now I had a) skipped something important  and  b) left someone hanging. And after many years of doing it that way, I now understand that it is just easier to SHOW UP.

The virus program running in the background

Okay, file that under Duh but we all have these self-defeating behaviors. I liken it to a virus program running the background of your brain. They govern us, but we remain so blind to them. That’s basically what our subconscious is. and why it can be so embarrassingly obvious to others, while we ourselves, can’t see the forest for the trees.

When you are overstressed and overburdened, these behaviors come to the forefront. They are your autopilot. The less time you have for thought and purpose, the more you fall back on these paths of least resistance. Short term payoff, long term FAIL.

How to get a good nights sleep

The cosmic colonic helps you get the inner calmness to start addressing this stuff. You have to step back and see where you are at, so you might figure out where you got so off track. It’s not pleasant, but it is so worth it.

I made it to coffee with the elderly couple.  My brain still tried to resist. I found many reasons to need to call to cancel. I’ve also had to accept that a reschedule only prolongs the pain and puts me back in the EXACT SAME SITUATION a week later.

But when I start to resist, I literally tell myself, “Stop it.”  And that night, I slept well because I had been the person I want to be. And I had made someone else happy and that’s a good day.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chica
    Jul 10, 2009 @ 19:18:03

    I knew, I felt we had more things in common…

    Reply

  2. Mae
    Jul 10, 2009 @ 23:15:40

    I know what you mean. My situation isn’t exactly the same, but I know that I’ve been known to flake. I like to call myself the Queen of Last Minute planning. But here’s the God honest truth, at least for me. There’s only so many minutes in an hour, hours in a day, days in a week, and weeks in a year. I don’t want more time because honestly, I know I’d find more things to fill up that time. It’s about priorities and what’s important to me. Between working 32 hrs/week, being a mom, being a wife, trying to find “me” time, being part of a church community, etc, etc., all those social obligations stack up. And it does become a chore. Oh yea, there’s also the lack of sleep (~6 hrs/day). So when it comes to the misc. things, I ask myself, “Do I want to sleep in and catch up on sleep or rush my kids to another play date where they aren’t even playing with the kids?” “Do I want to have coffee with a friend or do I want to do yoga for myself?” There never is a “right” answer. It’s just what feels right for you. I don’t make plans anymore unless it’s something I really have the time, energy, and desire to do so. Luckily, most of my good friends get this about me and are ok with it. Anyway, just my two cents. Also, don’t feel like you have to do the NIA class with me. I invited you because I thought you might find it interesting and also, I drive by your house on the way to it. 🙂 Good luck!

    Reply

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